Midlife can pack a punch, but does it need to be hard?

May 30, 2023

The day I knew my marriage was over, the moment it landed in my body as truth, I cried hard. ‘I’m so scared, I’m so scared’ I said over and over to my friend.

I couldn’t name the fear, but I felt it in every cell in my body. The weight of this truth was nearly unbearable, as sobs shuddered through me.

I was in my mid 40’s, and life was ok. Nothing really bad, nothing terrible.

And I was not like other women I knew, where the cracks and holes in their marriages, the unhappiness and dissatisfaction were growing by the year. Unable to be shaken by courses, counselling and getting on with it.

But now I see it, the reckoning that was coming at me. I was quite skilled at keeping my truth at bay, focussing on others and not going deeper into what I really wanted.

Look outwards, safer that way you know.

I had gone deeper a couple of years before, having a massive realisation that I was done with dieting. I was done and I was free.

Getting to that point released me from 30 years of on-and-off dieting. I found a place for that fear, supported by the absolute yes I felt in my body when I learnt about intuitive eating.

But my marriage, that was a whole other kettle of fish.

That fear had no solid place to land, it just floated in and around me.

Eventually it shifted, starting with the response from my oldest friend when I told her the news. She immediately congratulated me on the courage it took in being the person to end something not bad or broken, but no longer right.

Midlife comes as an invitation, asking the hard questions…are you happy? What's important to you? Will you be ok if life continues this way?

It’s easy to ignore, I know that firsthand. And maybe you can and everything will be ok. I sure did, and no one really knew, at some points not even me.

And believe me, I’m not a fan of burning it all down just for the sake of it.

But.

I am a fan of compassionate curiosity. And treating fear as a messenger. In finding the places we can control. And letting go of the rest. Leaning into trust and surrender.

I’m still working with my fear and the stuff I’m not ready or just don’t want to deal with yet. I give myself grace, allowing me to give others grace.

This is not a go-hard or go-home sorta situation.

Yes, parts of midlife can be hard but in my experience, it can also present the biggest opportunity for growth in your life so far.

I'm curious - what in your life is calling for attention, asking you to no longer look away? Where can you lean in, and what will help to bring safety into your body so courage walks with you?

If you’d like more support navigating what midlife is bringing to you, I invite you to get in touch.